Why inclusion starts with the quality of our human transactions
"If the most valuable person in your SEND strategy is the SENDCo, you're probably doing it wrong. The most valuable person should be the classroom teacher who quietly adapts their lesson without making a pupil feel like they don't belong."
Before we talk about inclusion, SEND, behaviour, attendance or attainment, I'd like you to think about something entirely different.
Think about a significant transaction in your life.
Perhaps it was a job interview. A hospital appointment. A mortgage application. A performance review. Maybe even the purchase of a house.
Now ask yourself a simple question:
What made that transaction successful – or unsuccessful?
Years later, most of us can't remember every detail of what was said. What we do remember is how we felt.
Did we feel listened to?
Did we feel respected?
Did we feel understood?
Did we feel safe enough to ask questions?
As an economist by background, I've always been fascinated by transactions. Economics teaches us that transactions are the building blocks of society. Over time I've become convinced that education is no different.
Every lesson, every conversation, every parent meeting and every pastoral interaction is, at its heart, a human transaction.
And successful transactions, in my professional experience - whether in business or education, are built on four simple principles:
Relationships. Routines. Respect. Reflection.
The Four Rs.
Relationships: The Foundation of Everything
Research consistently tells us that relationships matter.
Not as an optional extra.
Not as a "soft skill".
But as a fundamental prerequisite for learning; we’ve all heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs!
Yet relationships are often viewed as something separate from academic success, rather than the very thing that enables it.
The most effective schools I have worked in understand that children do not learn from people they do not trust.
This is particularly important when working with vulnerable learners, but the truth is that vulnerability is not exclusive to children with SEND.
All human beings experience vulnerability.
Some arrive at school carrying anxiety, grief, trauma, uncertainty or low self-esteem. Others mask their struggles so effectively that we may never know they are there.
Trauma-informed practice reminds us to move beyond asking, "What's wrong with this child?" and instead ask, "What might this child have experienced?"
Relationships allow us to see the person before we see the behaviour.
And when children feel seen, they are more likely to engage, participate and flourish.
Routines: The Systems That Create Safety
Relationships may be the foundation, but routines are the structure.
As an economist, I often think of routines as the systems that help us understand why transactions succeed or fail.
Good routines remove uncertainty.
They create predictability.
They establish trust.
In schools, routines are sometimes misunderstood as simply behaviour management tools. In reality, they are much more than that.
For many learners, particularly those experiencing anxiety, SEND or wider vulnerabilities, routines reduce cognitive load and create psychological safety - there’s Maslow again!
They allow children to focus their energy on learning rather than navigating uncertainty.
The most effective routines are not about compliance.
They are about clarity.
And clarity creates confidence.
Respect: Something We Give Before It's Earned
Respect is often spoken about as something that must be earned.
I disagree.
The most inclusive environments begin by offering respect unconditionally.
This includes respect for others, but equally importantly, respect for ourselves.
As educators, we often talk about emotional regulation without recognising that children learn regulation through relationships.
Before children can self-regulate, they need adults who can co-regulate.
Before they can manage their emotions independently, they need adults who help them understand those emotions safely.
This links closely to the concept of the Window of Tolerance.
When learners feel emotionally safe, they are more able to think, reflect and engage.
When they feel threatened, overwhelmed or dysregulated, learning becomes significantly harder.
Respect, therefore, is not merely about behaviour.
It is about recognising emotional wellbeing as an essential condition for success.
Reflection: The Lost Art
Of all the Four Rs, reflection may be the one we have lost most in modern society.
We live in a world that celebrates speed.
Faster decisions.
Faster responses.
Faster outcomes.
Yet genuine growth rarely happens at speed.
Educational research around metacognition, as well as threads that run through Behavioural Economics, consistently demonstrates that learners make greater progress when they understand how they learn, monitor their thinking and evaluate their strategies.
Put simply, reflection helps us become better learners.
But reflection is not just for children.
Schools also need to reflect.
Leaders need to reflect.
Teachers need to reflect.
Perhaps most importantly, systems need to reflect.
Because without reflection, we risk becoming trapped in practices that feel familiar rather than those that are effective.
Moving Beyond the Deficit Model
One of the challenges within education is that we can sometimes approach inclusion through a deficit lens.
We focus on what a learner cannot do.
What support they need.
What barriers they present.
What interventions we can provide.
These are important considerations, but they are not the whole story.
Perhaps we've been asking the wrong question.
Instead of asking how we make children fit into our systems, perhaps we should ask whether our systems are flexible enough to accommodate the diversity of the children we serve today and in the future.
The Four Rs provide a useful lens for this.
When relationships are strong, routines are purposeful, respect is unconditional and reflection is embedded, we create environments where difference is expected rather than accommodated.
Belonging, Advocacy and Agency
Ultimately, inclusion is not about interventions.
It is about belonging.
Because when people feel they belong, something powerful happens.
They begin to advocate for themselves.
They advocate for others.
And that advocacy creates agency.
Agency is what enables young people to take ownership of their futures.
It is what gives them confidence to navigate challenges, pursue opportunities and contribute meaningfully to society.
In my experience, belonging drives advocacy.
Advocacy builds agency. And agency drives success.
Beyond the Register
Perhaps, therefore, the real measure of inclusion isn't the number of interventions we provide, the size of our SEND register or the complexity of our provision maps.
Perhaps it is whether every child who walks through our doors feels seen, valued and capable of success.
When we stop asking children to adapt to our systems and start designing systems that recognise human difference as the norm - our Routines. And when we support those Routines with a Relational approach, mutual Respect and consistent and developmental Reflection, inclusion stops being a strategy and starts becoming a culture. And when that happens, every child – with or without SEND – has a better chance to flourish.
About the Author
Helen McDonough (nee Deighton) is Head of Learning Support & SENDCo (College) at Worksop College & Ranby House, following her role as Deputy Head - Inclusion, at Chapeltown Academy. Helen is a qualified SENDCo and Teacher of Economics, and took Chapeltown on a journey to Pupil Choice Award 2023. With a professional compass directed on relationships, skill development and ‘systems with a heart’, Helen is passionate about the ‘Why’ and the people at the very centre of that; the pupils.
